We’re still deep into the offseason, and I’ve had a few beers. Rather than talk about the pandemic or other exhausting topics, let’s talk about musicals. Did y’all watch Hamilton? Well, we’re talking about Hamilton, so, enjoy that I guess. For CHTV, it’s Packers players as Hamilton characters! 

Alexander Hamilton

This is Aaron Rodgers and I refuse to hear otherwise. You know who would fall in the draft only to be the greatest of all time? Alexander. Hamilton. There’s a million records he hasn’t set, just you wait. Just you wait. Hamilton is kind of sassy and has an attitude because he’s a damn genius, and if that doesn’t scream Aaron Charles Rodgers then I don’t know what does. He’s not throwing away his shot because he’s the Hail Mary king. Just trust me on this. It fits. If there’s one player who’s consistently looking to prove himself, it’s Rodgers. 

Marquis de Lafayette 

If this isn’t David Bakhtiari...someone who wants to get into fights and get into trouble. Feels like Bakhtiari and the way he’ll always protect Rodgers. He’s also got a sharp wit and brings humor to the performance, which sounds a lot like Bakhtiari on game day. 

Hercules Mulligan

This can be Allen Lazard because he’s growing into a significant role in Rodgers’ squad. Mulligan was a key member in Hamilton’s posse, and the same goes for Lazard and his role on the Packers offense in 2020. 

John Laurens

John Laurens is Hamilton’s right-hand man, and that’s absolutely Davante Adams in this Packers offense. We saw what the offense looked like when Adams suffered from turf toe and wasn’t on the field. Even thought it was still successful, Rodgers wasn’t the same without him, just like Hamilton isn’t the same without Laurens. Rodgers relies on Adams to make the offense go. 

Aaron Burr

Aaron Jones? No. But hear me out. What if Aaron Jones helped to prove that the offense doesn’t need Aaron Rodgers to be successful, and that instead the team can function behind a run-heavy offense? Could the success of Aaron Jones spell the end for our beloved hero Aaronxander Hamilrodgers? Just you wait. Okay I need to stop reusing the same joke. But it still holds. 

George Washington

Washington is one of the best characters in Hamilton without a doubt. It’s not even up for debate. Like, the whole point of his character is that you’d go to war for him. You know who I’d go to war for? Za’Darius Smith. This was the easiest comp to make and I refuse to hear otherwise. 

The Schuyler Sisters (Angelica, Eliza, and Peggy)

This is the tight end unit, and I’m laughing as I write this. Angelica is Marcedes Lewis because Rodgers is still obsessed with him despite Lewis being an aging veteran. Eliza is Jace Sternberger because the offense is trying to pair the two together in a happy marriage (we don’t know that’s possible at this point, but we assume, right?) Peggy is Josiah Deguara because the offense has all the potential to harmonize with Deguara as a piece in the offense, but he definitely won’t play a leading role in year one. 

King George III

The theme on Twitter is to elect Kevin King as King George III. But that’s too easy, right? King George is like the low-key star of the show, so his role deserves to go to a player like Corey Linsley. Doesn’t get a ton of recognition from fans, but he carries the team’s performance week in and week out. And I just assume he spits a lot I guess based on how many plays he has to change at the line of scrimmage as a center.  

Maria Reynolds

THIS IS JAKE KUMEROW. Let’s talk about a player that maybe doesn’t necessarily need to be on the roster but the main character (Aaron/Alexander Rodgers/Hamilton) really likes him so he’s part of the story for that alone. Who would distract Aaron Rodgers from the rest of the offense? Jake Kumerow. So there you go. 

Thomas Jefferson 

Jefferson opposes Hamilton on almost everything. So I can only assume this role would fall to Mason Crosby, and that the only disagreement would be that Crosby wants to kick field goals while Rodgers wants to score touchdowns. 

James Madison

JK Scott reporting for duty. Madison’s role is largely to back up Jefferson before all else. Sounds like the young Scott and the role he plays on special teams behind Crosby. Madison has maybe five lines during the entire musical, which JK Scott can relate to since he barely punts since the offense moves the ball so well. (Just let me have this.)

Phillip Hamilton 

This is Jordan Love. I mean, the quarterback of the future has to have some relation to the quarterback of the present, right? Hamilton suffers (spoilers) from trying to prove himself to the world, and that resonates with a young Love sitting behind Rodgers. Just go with it. Love won’t throw away his shot, but the rest of the NFL might not be ready for his shot just yet. 

Well everyone, this was fun. You should watch Hamilton if you haven’t yet. And you should also submit your player comps in the comments. Because there’s a million comps I haven’t done, and I'm not throwing away my shot. (I'm so sorry.)